I had been having trouble conceiving so my doctor was going to put me in the hospital to do a D and C and a laparoscopy because he suspected endometriosis. I was lying in the hospital bed after having a painful IV needle inserted when the doctor came in and said "we can't do any surgery today" and I was about to get really angry until he said "we can't do any surgery because you're pregnant! Needless to say I was very surprised and excited! I had a wonderful pregnancy. I was one of those women that "glowed" with pregnancy. I was delirously happy. My son was born on May 25, 1990. He weighed 9 lbs. 10 ozs. I never even felt a pain, his birth was a wonderful experience. When he was 9 weeks old I took him to the doctor because he had been vomiting and had flu-like symptoms. He was diagnosed with hepatoblastoma (liver cancer). We went through 3 months of chemotherapy and surgery but his cancer was just too extensive. He died on Nov. 12, 1990 when he was only 5 1/2 months old. I totally lost all faith. I had prayed and prayed for God to save my child and he died anyway. I went on to have another child (a beautiful, healthy little girl) in Dec. 1991 but I still had a lot of resentment about losing my son. When I became pregnant again, deep down I had a feeling that something was wrong with this baby but I never told anyone. I just thought that maybe it was because my son had died and I was just over-reacting. My other daughter was born in Oct. 1993. She had problems from the very beginning but the doctors were not sure what was wrong with her, they just knew that her kidneys were not functioning right. I had went home to take a shower one day when the hospital called to tell me they needed to life-flight her on a helicopter to a hospital in Memphis which was about 2 hours away because something was wrong with her heart. I really did not expect to ever see her alive again. I just decided that it wasn't meant to be. When we got to the hospital, my sister in law's preacher was there and I told him that I had no faith whatsoever. He said "well let's pray for your unbeleif" and we did. Well, my daughter was diagnosed with a chromosome disorder called Turner's Syndrome and her heart problem required surgery. She made it through the surgery with flying colors but I was still very doubtful about "miracles" and did not beleive that she would be alright. It was only after she was about 3 years old that I read some research about Turner's Syndrome. I read that most TS fetuses are miscarried before birth. 99% are miscarried! Only 1% of TS fetuses ever survive to be born!! She is my little miracle child. I know that I will never understand why my son had to die but I have peace in my mind about the presence of God and the fact that he does still perform miracles. I know that my son is in the arms of Jesus and I know that my daughters have a guardian angel looking after them. I think God decided that I really needed to know that he DOES still perform miracles. That's why he gave me my beautiful little girl who has survived against some really terrible odds to be a sweet, smart, precious little miracle!
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