It started out when me and my boyfriend split, I
became depressed more and more each day to the point where I didn't even
want to get off the couch. People would try t cheer me up and eventually
it worked. So i moved on and found someone else, but he was an alcoholic
and was abusive. He wasn't my idea of Mr. right, but i didn't wanna be
alone so I stayed with him. Needless to say one day i was depressed so
i went to my moms house and he calls saying if i don't answer the phone
he will break everything I have starting with my new $200 phone. The day
before that I got messages from one of my so called old "friend" and my
ex. They were both about how pathetic and useless I was.
Between nasty messages and
voice mails I couldn't take it anymore. I took 2 full bottles of pills
and sat on the couch waiting for my life to end. I wrote a suicide note
and at the end it said " I hope god can forgive me as I feel myself straying
farther from him, I don't want to go to hell, but i can't take it anymore!"
I laid down and tried to sleep but i couldn't, So I prayed for god to help
me that I didn't want to dye, that I wanted to be a better christian and
help others. I lied there for 2 hours and was still conscious reading a
book. My cousin called 911 after i told him to. When I was in the ambulance
the medic didn't believe me he said all my signs were fine and that I was
just lying to get attention.
When I got to the hospital
everyone was shocked that i was still walking around and wanted to walk
down the street for something to do. They said with all the pills in my
system I should be dead, but yet here I was sitting there just wandering
when i could get out of the er. I was in the ER for about 10 hours after
that I was in toxicology for 4 days till the IVs wiped most of the aspirin
(core ingredient in the pills i took). Then it was off to the mental hospital,
but the whole time I was there, I was happy. Because i sincerely believe
that god had answered my prayers and saved me from dying that night.
While I was in the mental hospital
my roommate was a nice Christan girl who just had a bad life with someone.
I sat on the bed for two hours that night just telling her that she doesn't
need to feel alone and that no matter what she did there was someone that
always loved her and always will GOD. I told her that he is always there
for her and that he loves her with all his hart and that he thinks she
is beautiful no matter what some guy told her. After that we prayed together,
it was the first time I ever really prayed with someone since I went to
church when I was younger. Finally I did something right, me telling her
about all gods love made her smile for the first time in months, and for
the first time I felt closer to god then I ever had and all my doubts about
him were gone!