God Is Here
By: ceal9115@yahoo.com

 

 

It started out when me and my boyfriend split, I became depressed more and more each day to the point where I didn't even want to get off the couch. People would try t cheer me up and eventually it worked. So i moved on and found someone else, but he was an alcoholic and was abusive. He wasn't my idea of Mr. right, but i didn't wanna be alone so I stayed with him. Needless to say one day i was depressed so i went to my moms house and he calls saying if i don't answer the phone he will break everything I have starting with my new $200 phone. The day before that I got messages from one of my so called old "friend" and my ex. They were both about how pathetic and useless I was.
 

    Between nasty messages and voice mails I couldn't take it anymore. I took 2 full bottles of pills and sat on the couch waiting for my life to end. I wrote a suicide note and at the end it said " I hope god can forgive me as I feel myself straying farther from him, I don't want to go to hell, but i can't take it anymore!" I laid down and tried to sleep but i couldn't, So I prayed for god to help me that I didn't want to dye, that I wanted to be a better christian and help others. I lied there for 2 hours and was still conscious reading a book. My cousin called 911 after i told him to. When I was in the ambulance the medic didn't believe me he said all my signs were fine and that I was just lying to get attention.
 

    When I got to the hospital everyone was shocked that i was still walking around and wanted to walk down the street for something to do. They said with all the pills in my system I should be dead, but yet here I was sitting there just wandering when i could get out of the er. I was in the ER for about 10 hours after that I was in toxicology for 4 days till the IVs wiped most of the aspirin (core ingredient in the pills i took). Then it was off to the mental hospital, but the whole time I was there, I was happy. Because i sincerely believe that god had answered my prayers and saved me from dying that night. 
 

    While I was in the mental hospital my roommate was a nice Christan girl who just had a bad life with someone. I sat on the bed for two hours that night just telling her that she doesn't need to feel alone and that no matter what she did there was someone that always loved her and always will GOD. I told her that he is always there for her and that he loves her with all his hart and that he thinks she is beautiful no matter what some guy told her. After that we prayed together, it was the first time I ever really prayed with someone since I went to church when I was younger. Finally I did something right, me telling her about all gods love made her smile for the first time in months, and for the first time I felt closer to god then I ever had and all my doubts about him were gone!

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