I'm now 63, but in late 1968 I'd reached
the lowest low of my life and wanted to die; I mean die within my soul
as I could no longer stand the pain this world seemed to keep dishing out.
Let me start by saying I'd been raised in a very cruel straight forward
foster home of which the couple was already old. We were allowed no friends;
from about the time we were able to walk our days started at 5 am. The
old man had several strokes, so we were made to take care of him: urinal,
bathing, etc. Outside, we worked like men: mowing, weeding, making "gardens"
by digging with shovels and removing ALL stones regardless of size; no
one on our road liked us; we were called names...everything had to be perfect.
If she found one dust spot, we'd have to clean the whole room over again.
If we didn't jump when called, we got beat. We got beat with brooms, dust
brushes, coal shovels that were used to put coal into the heater in the
cellar, whatever she could get ahold of. Plus, they had something to do
with raising my dad and he walked out; but us kids knew him and he was
a very quiet, good natured man!! Whom I loved and wasn't ashamed to say
it. My brother and sister, however, used this to get on "grandmoms" good
side. Whenever anything went wrong, it was automatically me and I got the
beating. Then in 11th grade, grandpop died; while my sister and I were
outside due to all the company coming, this car goes by with 2 guys in...they
beeped at us and we ran to the back yard as we
knew we'd get beat for talking to them. They turned around, came back,
and kept beeping. We go up, so they'd stop. Here comes grandmom out wanting
to know their whole life's history!! Anyway, I ended up marrying "Josh"
asI figured that was my only way out, but I told him up front I did not
love him that I did like him a lot. He said it was fine, he understood.
Well, 6 yrs later with 4 children & 1 miscarriage, I walked away as
he drank, cheated, had illegitimate kids, beat me to a pulp and threatened
to kill us all. Back to grandmom's!! Along came a man where I worked who
was so kind and gentle. I dated, but no sex. I told him to not lie to me.
Here, I find out he's living with a woman with 5 children. I couldn't take
anymore. For a whole week, I kept hearing this "sound" every nite..it would
wake me up. By the end of the wk I could make out it was a band of angels
singing "God's angels are watching over you"Finally, on the 7th nite I
woke up with my whole body crying; on the wall was Jesus' face. I said,"
Please take me away from here, I don't want to live anymore" I got up to
go upstairs to the bathroom all the while crying from my toes up and saying,"
Please just let me die" On the 3rd step back down, I feld my life leaving
me starting in my feet. I said, "Oh God, thank you" Next instant, I'm floating
on a white cloud with the biggest smile; then Jesus is on my right side
and he took my hand (never looking at me) and said "Come my child, you
have suffered long enough".Then I'm in Heaven; a place all the words that
mean peace and good put together couldn't come close to describing!! There
were 4 choirs..1 on each side and 2 in front of me all singing"God's angels
are watching over you. Jesus, on my right, said "you're sure you want to
be here". I said "Oh yes, please don't send me back!: Then the 2nd; then
the 3rd; same question. Then the 4th & Jesus is on my left & I
started feeling frustrated. I said "Oh please don't send me back!! This
4th choir also had no faces. As they started singing "Amen", Jesus looked
at me and said"Your're sure??" I said, "Yes!!" As they finished singing
"Amen" He snapped his fingers, and I was back on my bed! Freezing to death!!
I looked at the wall at His face & said, "I told you I didn't want
to come back; why'd you do this??" I was angry. At the bottom of my bed
to the right was an angel holding a candle & to my left was satan.
As I'm looking from one to the other, I looked at Jesus and said "Okay,
I don't know why you sent me back, but..I looked at satan.. and said, "you're
not getting me" That quick, satan disappeared. The angel stayed for a few
minutes longer, then she disappeared; I fell asleep. The next morning,
my children came out of their room rubbing their eyes, saying, "Mommy,
we're hungry." I smiled...I knew why he sent me back.
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